Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Need to Nurture

Sorry, my friends, for the slightly depressing post last night. It was late... my Hubby fell asleep in the chair next to me... and out of boredom, I logged onto http://www.whattoexpect.com/. I had an account on there from when I was pregnant earlier this year, and I thought it would be interesting to see how the site has changed over the last few months. When I went through the miscarriage of my baby, I immediately packed away all things "pregnancy" and removed the favorited websites that I had grown accustomed to frequenting for information when I was pregnant. Aside from a weekly email from Similac that I have yet to figure out how to stop receiving, I don't have any glaring reminders of my loss. Over the weekend, I received an email from Similac saying "27 Week Update"... so if I were still pregnant, I'd be right around 27 weeks. I thought, "Hmmm... all I have to do is log onto WhatToExpect and they'll tell me what my baby and body would be experiencing during the 27th week of pregnancy." ...And against my better judgement and will, I logged on. BIG MISTAKE!

A wave of grief washed over me and left me filled to the brim with sorrow. I started thinking about how far along in my pregnancy I would be... what preparations I would be making in light of the upcoming arrival of my baby... how my body would be changing to accommodate the miracle growing inside of me... and I just felt so sad. Right about the time I finished posting last night, my Hubby woke up from his snooze in the chair, must've sensed something was wrong, and he pulled me into a hug. I instantly started to feel a little bit better.

I've been spending some time in my flower beds over the last few days. I have this uncanny urge to grow and nuture something... great place to start, FLOWERS!  My Hubby embarked on a rather ambitious landscaping project this summer for the front of our home... and he's done an AMAZING job putting in several new flowerbeds and a lovely stone walkway. I know it's a little late in the season, but I couldn't resist an awesome deal on some annuals at the local garden shop. While I was out sweating off several pounds of water-weight in the blistering heat on Saturday, I planted two of my flower beds with the petunias and lobelias.

As I was planting, I was channeling my inner "Nanny." Nan loved working in her flower beds. Her yard, with all of its neat colors and blooms, became a dreamy summertime haven that I loved to visit when I was little. She'd let me make a bouquet of some of her flowers when I would stay with her for a week each summer. So many sweet memories of my Nanny and her flower beds... I miss her so much! Mom told me yesterday that lobelia plants were one of Nanny's favorite plants. I wish I had a picture to post on here of my Nanny's flower beds, but sadly I don't have any. All I have to do, though, is close my eyes and let my mind take me right back to the sweet smell of honeysuckles and daphodils... to a place where flowers and birds were considered as friends... and I can see the rainbow of beautiful blooms around the perimeter of the yard, and my Nanny waving from the front porch. I miss you, Nanny.

1 comment:

  1. well kristin, i just read the excerpt from 'heaven is for real', and your post about missing your nanny reminded me how much i miss my meme. so i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and a runny nose. thanks alot! :)