Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Passionate Patience

Well, I'm definitely feeling like some of the guilt associated with my miscarriage is beginning to lift off my shoulders... and while I am feeling better these days, I still feel like I have a big sign on my back that says "Damaged Goods." I don't know if I'll ever feel "whole" again. There's such a huge piece of my heart that died right along with my baby, but the wound is healing. I'm so thankful that God still loves me though. He loves me and is there for me even when I'm having a hard time loving myself. I know that I've said this before, but I really do not know where I would be right now without the grace of my savior. I cannot even fathom going through a miscarriage without the comfort and healing that comes from a relationship with God. And through my faith in God, I have the promise and hope of one day meeting my baby. Seriously can't imagine not having that security and peace of mind. I'm really looking forward to meeting my baby! Jesus, You can come any day now!

The last few months have been challenging, to say the least. I feel like my patience is being tested on a daily basis in more ways than one. But through it all, I'm trying to trust God. I'm believing that everything is happening according to His will. Clinging to this:
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! - Romans 5: 3-5 The Message Bible

I know many of you have been praying for me everyday, and I appreciate your prayers more than you know. Since my last post, I've had several developments in terms of potential employment opportunities for this summer and next school year. I don't want to go into any details about these prospects quite yet... but I'm relying on God to present the right opportunities to me. He knows my heart's desires, and I'm confident that He'll take care of it all.

In terms of my coping mechanisms, I'm still exercising on a daily basis. I've been walking every day, and I've recently begun jogging for a stretch of my workout. I attend a Zumba class twice a week at one of my schools where I work and it's a lot of fun. I've lost about 18 pounds all together... and while the number of pounds aren't dropping as quickly as I would like them to, I'm feeling better and my clothes are fitting much more nicely. I have a pair of dress pants that I bought in January before I found out I was pregnant that I love, and I put them on the other day in the bedroom (at the rear of the house), and walked out to the living room (at the other end of the house) carrying a basket of laundry... and I kid you not, my pants were at my ankles by the time I got to the kitchen! They're too big for me now! I can't believe how much better I feel when I'm exercising. I put on my sneakers, clip my headphones on, blast some praise and worship music, and take off down the road.... and it's instant therapy.

Here are some pictures from recent photo shoots! Been busy taking pictures lately, as well.

One of my best friends, Melody and her fiance, Alex. They are getting married on June 18th!

I did some pregnancy pictures for my friend Megan a week before she welcomed her baby boy into the world:

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