Forever Changed

Who knew that in three little minutes, our lives could be completely changed forever?

This month, January 2011, has been an emotional rollercoaster. On 1/7/11, my grandmother (Connie Burgan) passed away peacefully in her sleep. Enduring the grief that accompanies her death is the hardest thing that I've ever had to deal with in my 26 years of life. Over the last few weeks, I've experienced feelings of anger, guilt, extreme sadness, and finally, peace. I miss my Nanny like crazy, and there is a part of my heart that will forever be missing. It's getting a little bit easier day by day, just like everyone said it would. But there are still moments when I am reminded of Nanny that cause me to crumble to tears. In addition to Nan's death, I've been especially stressed with my job situation, trying to find something "with roots." I've been in long term substitute positions since the fall of last year, and just last week I was offered a position with Washington County Public Schools.

So, as you can see, it's been a rather emotionally-stressful month for me... so when my period didn't show up on time last Monday (my system usually runs like clockwork), I chalked it up to the fact that this month had been the most stressful and emotional month of my life. I had the usual crampiness and lower back aches that usually accompany my period so I figured that Mother Nature was just telling me she was going to be a little late showing up. ...And then several days went by, and still no sign of my "monthly friend."  So, just for giggles, I thought I'd stop by CVS and buy a pregnancy test on Saturday. I bought the cheap-o store brand because those things are expensive! I knew it would be negative, because looking at the calendar, it just wasn't possible that I'd be pregnant. Confirming my thoughts, the test was negative.

I was driving home from work on Monday and was talking to a friend of mine who is pregnant right now. When I told her that I was "running late," she wanted to know what kind of pregnancy test I took. I explained that I just took the cheap-o test, and she told me that I should buy the digital pregnancy test instead. She said that when she became pregnant, it only showed up on the digital test because they are super-sensitive to the HcG hormone that your body produces when you're pregnant. So, I had to stop at Martin's to pick up a few groceries anyway... I bought a pack of the digital pregnancy tests. I told myself I would just wait until the morning, but of course I walked in the door and left my groceries sitting on the counter while I ran to the bathroom to take one of the digital tests.It was the LONGEST 3 minutes of my life. I took the second test just to make sure the first one wasn't a "fluke." ...And, as they say, "The proof was in the pee."

So, here I am! As of today, we are five weeks and three days pregnant! Who would've thought?!

Of course, as soon as I realized that I was pregnant I couldn't wait to tell Jason. He was working in the garage and I didn't expect him to come in for the night for another couple of hours. Way back in 2005 during the Father's Day card season at Hallmark, I came across a card for "expectant fathers" and thought it would be neat to buy and save it for when the appropriate time came. So I went digging through my card organizer and found the card. Here's what it said:

Around 10pm, Jason came in and said he was heading into the shop at work for a little while. I just couldn't wait any longer, so I brought the card to him in the kitchen. He opened the card and read the line "Babe - We're pregnant!" and looked up at me with a huge smile and said, "Are you serious?!" There were hugs and tears and just an overwhelming feeling of happiness.

The hardest thing right now is not telling anyone! We are going to tell our parents this weekend and I can't wait to hear their reactions. I will post their reactions over the weekend.

My first OB/GYN appointment is February 25th. I will be approximately 9 weeks along at my first appointment... and according to the books that I've read, we should be able to see/hear our baby's heart beat that day. I can't wait!!!

In terms of pregnancy symptoms... I feel a little bit of nausea every now and then, but nothing major. I definitely don't have as much of an appetite as I usually do. I still have the occasional cramping and pressure in my lower abdomen, but from my What to Expect When You're Expecting book, that feeling is caused by my uterus as it's stretching and making room for the baby.

According to my book, the baby is the size of an orange seed this week. The baby's heart is starting to take shape this week, so it's an important week! Here's a prayer that I am praying over and over this week:

I thank You for my baby's heartbeat, and even though I can't hear it yet, I know You can. Bless my baby's heart and cause it to grow strong, just as it should be. Protect my baby's heart from any defects or problems. Your Word says that in the beginning, your creative powers were at work. I acknowledge Your power and ask You to extend it to my baby also. Create a healthy baby, week by week, as he (or she) grows. And Lord, give my child a heart to love and serve You. Give my child a tender heart, open to hearing Your voice, kind and compassionate toward others. Please help me to be a good role model of these attitudes as well. Help me lead my child in prayer and in opening up our hearts to You to receive Your love. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

At Five Weeks: