Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Summer Dreamin'

School's out for the summer! ...And while I had dreams of swimming pools and cute little umbrella drinks dancing in my head, the reality of a jam-packed busy summer is hitting me full force. Between my summer job, the never-ending list of friends/family who want pictures taken, the gathering and preparing of materials for my classroom, working with the youth at church, and deep-cleaning the house, those happy pool-colored visions of summer that I had are fading away. I can't wait until next summer... It will be my first summer where I literally will not have to work, and I'll still get paid (because I opted to have my 10-month salary spread out over 12 months instead). But until next summer, I'll just have to suck-it-up and keep on truckin'.

Overall, I'm doing pretty well these days. It has taken a solid three months for me to get to this place, but I am feeling better. Sure, I still have my moments... but generally speaking, I'm in a much better place now than I was on March 17th. The recent news of my teaching job has done wonders for lifting my spirits. I'm hopeful that when the time and circumstances are right, God will bless us with another baby. Now that the job has been secured and health benefits will kick in on September 1st, believe me I've been thinking about the best time to begin trying to have a baby. Part of me wants to jump right on the baby-makin' train... but another bigger part of me is scared to death of becoming pregnant again. I am fearful of experiencing that tremendous loss again... and I'm not sure if my heart could endure that pain another time. So many girls get pregnant the first time around and enjoy every single minute of their pregnancy because they are naive to the potential darkness that can lurk around the corner. And I'm sad to say that I've been forever stripped of those happy pregnancy feelings because I know for certain that I'll be a nervous wreak the next time I get pregnant. I just pray that God provides me with peace in the next pregnancy... I'll need lots of prayers when the time comes. Until then, though, I'm still trying to take care of my body and be as prepared as I can be to have a healthy pregnancy when the time comes.


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